I accepted that you may never come back in my life. I learned that sometimes a person comes in your life for a certain amount of time and for specific reasons and enhances your growth as an individual. That their appearance, and what they did and said while in your presence really follows you, and shapes you as a person. It won’t be specifically what they did to you, but how they live their life and how they move the way that they move, and do the things they do, and how they do them. You sense and gain knowledge and an understanding to their life that way, and gain help from it even with the lack of them being there.
It hurts me knowing we may never be close again, that we may never speak again, that when we see each other ever in person it be from a far and a quick glance and then look away casually because we are strangers once again. Strangers who know too much about each other. It hurts me, because I formed a love for you that’s not like others. I met you when my life was hectic but radio silent. I was just starting to do things for myself, while silently dealing with heavy anxiety and panic attacks, as well a numbness feeling because of it with sadness. You managed to make me feel something again that wasn’t those things. You made me actually smile and laugh. You built this confidence in myself and I don’t know how, but you did. While you were in my life and shared things with me about yourself and your life, I was extremely observant. From the time you left, I experienced things that replay back to you. I pick up on the things you been through and then matched how you did things and why you did and put a lot together. I then realize I move different then how I use to. I don’t react as much. I don’t give my energy to things and instantly cut off anything in my life that seems to get in the way of my success. I don’t care about having the last word as much. I do a lot of things that is similar to you. I get why you move how you move more then ever. It’s peaceful and it’s better. Im loving my life. I’m growing. I’m maturing. It’s crazy how you are the reason. I want to let go of you. I want to move on and live my life more, but I don’t think I can ever let go of you. You taught me too much and at that time I only known you for 6 months, we did talk a lot and got close in those 6 months, but towards the end in those 3 weeks it was all us talking everyday throughout the entire day, our discussions and conversations, the jokes, the deep talks that weren’t deep deep but deep, everything. I sometimes worry that they mean more to me than they did to you.. either way, you did teach me more, more than anyone has in my 20 years of life. & I’ll forever be thankful. Its been 4 months since we last spoke in person, before you randomly left my life and you still have this major impact on me and im not complaining. I thank you for it all. Thank you for bettering me as an individual. You did hurt me. I did curse out your name. I thought of you and still think of you possibly so many times that I can fill the stars in the sky. I cried over you so many times and you probably didn’t know that, but in the end you made me grow.
One day I’ll stop hoping the universe puts us back together, one day I’ll stop hoping that you are the right person but wrong time. Even though that day will come, i will never stop knowing and loving you for this lesson. This growth. This glow in me, is because of you. I’ll forever be grateful for that. I’ll forever wish you well. Maybe god will put us back together again in the future along the line, but even if it doesn’t and you were only in my life because god needed to give me a lesson, that’s ok. I’m okay with that. Truthly though, as much as I say I’m okay with that, and that one day I’ll stop hoping. A little piece of me, will always “hope” or “want” it, even without thinking it. A little piece of me will be apart of you because of all this. Like I said i accepted this and I’m grateful for you, always. Thank you for this lesson.
goodbye michael
